On limerance

Discussion of limerance

Article on Limerance

Here is a quote from a previous poster:


Anyone who trivializes limerence, or thinks of it as being a mere shallow, irrational, temporary fascination like any other kind of crush, has obviously never experienced it.

Here is my response:

I agree completely. Many people don't get it. My limerance has lasted literally decades. It feels related to the bonding instinct. I think my bonding process was deeply triggered, and then the object of my bonding was removed. It reminds me very much of a parent who has lost an infant. I remain quite bonded to the person, even though they are not available. It is actually in a way healthy and normal. I have the ability to bond deeply. Had outside circumstances not separated us, I think we quite likely would have had a fruitful strong relationship. I am quite clear-eyed and level-headed in general; i feel my insights are pretty on-the-mark about this. My limerance reminds me of phantom limb syndrome. My unattainable partner is like a phantom limb that I oriented my psyche around during the bonding process, just as the human body is clearly oriented around having a limb even when the limb is, alas, missing. I work around the limerance, just as one whose limb is amputated gets by and works around the missing limb. But, as with the amputee, it would have been far better, easier and healthier if the loss had never occurred. But we adapt and move on.